Posted by: Paulette
My newest conversation with Paul (my biological father) centered on life philosophy. And by that I mean religion or lack there of. I started by asking him what his plans were for the next few years. What did he have to look forward to. He responded with a comment about waiting for his lease to be over in six months. I asked him if he had a social life. He said he didn't, and that he was too old to be hanging out with singles and too young to be hanging out with retired people. To this I said something to the effect that it sounded like he was waiting to get out of life. He said that it was difficult to make friends because of his circumstances. I asked if he had tried religion. He said, "well, you know, I'm an atheist."
I think out of all of the things he could have told me, this was the saddest. I've never had problems making friends, but even if I did, I know that Jesus is my friend. He gives me hope in all circumstances to get up and start again. And I know that He understands me like no one else. Christianity, to me is not exclusively a Sunday religion. It's the way I live my life and effects everything that I do, think, say, and plan for. I can''t imagine not having the hope of Christ in my life.
He thinks that I want to convert him. I don't. I want Christ to convert him. I want him to have the peace and hope that I have in my life! I may not know Paul very well yet, and I may not call him dad, but I believe that in the future if he were to embrace faith in God and His Son, that he would be a happier man. He would know that all of the things that he has done in the past can be erased and he can become new again. This is what I want for him. Not just the fellowship of the saints, but a whole new world view.
I've told him that I'm not sure where our relationship is going to go from here, but I do not want to abandon him to his hopelessness. Maybe our phone conversations about comedians and books and movies and world events...just chatting, will be enough to show him that someone cares. And maybe after a while, he'll wonder why I even bother to call and talk with a man who played a physical part in the making of me, but has had nothing to do with me for the last almost 4 decades. Maybe he'll wonder what makes me tick.