Posted by: Paulette
I did finally call my Biological father. It seems strange to call him anything else but "Paul."
I greeted him by saying, " Hello, this is a voice from your past...about 38 years ago." I thought I'd keep it on the light side. We spoke about current stuff like my kids and how old they were, a little about their personalities, and about my 50 pound weight loss.
He told me about the repercussions of his drug use. His teeth are rotting out of his mouth and he is developing some of the symptoms of Parkinson's disease. He is now living alone because he divorced Kathy, and he's cut off ties with most of his old friends because they were enablers in his abuse of drugs. It was a very sad conversation.
Then he asked about Mom. I told him that she was really happy with her new husband, my Dad, and that they lived in Florida. I asked him how he felt when she left him. He said it was the best thing that she could have done for us girls. I agree! He said that we would have had a very different life if we had stayed with him. I wonder if we would have been taken by the state. Mom worked really hard to feed and clothe us, because he was beyond caring. Our clothes came from the flea market and our food was given to us by either relatives or the neighbor next door. He had a vegetable garden and some chickens. He told me that he mostly felt sad and lonely because Mom had so much family and there was always something going on.
I left the conversation feeling so sad for him. I have so much compassion for him. I understand that the things that he is suffering from are the direct result of decisions made years ago.
I told him that I would call again, and keep in touch. It seems useless to tell the smaller kids about him. I think it would confuse them. I did explain him to my eldest son who will be 12 this Fall. And now, I' not really sure where to go with this relationship. He wasn't a father to me except biologically. I don't feel a fiscal responsibility to him, but I think that now that I've renewed the relationship, I should do something about teaching him how to be happy in this life by using the atonement of Jesus Christ.